The Lava Trolley: February 2008

The Lava Trolley

Or is it the lavatory???

...Either case, this little nook on blogasphere is the natural dumping ground for the sort of crap that erupts
when you find a wee Chink in the Britworks...

But hey, I promise you this is steamingly hot shit...which is probably why it's all looking a bit brown!


03 February 2008

The Best Medicine


An audio file called The Dublin Psychiatrist has been doing the rounds on the mobile phone circuit. Sadly, I haven't been able to get hold of it (no blue tooth), but a quick search on the net soon led me to a few transcripts that purport to be variations of the same recording. I even managed to find an MP3 of a similar spoof.

I was able to see the humour in The Dublin Psychiatrist despite still being in the recovery stages of BPD, so I thought I'd share this with everyone.


Hello, and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline.

If you have Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, please press 1 repeatedly.

If you suffer from Co-Dependency, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have Multiple Personality Disorder, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are Paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are Delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.

If you are Schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are a Manic-Depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press; no one will answer.

If you suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder, please head directly to the nearest A & E. Nothing we say will make a difference anyway.

If you have a Nervous Disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line.

If you suffer from Low Self-Esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy to take your call.


Sometimes, you've just got to laugh because there's nothing else left for you to do.

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