The Lava Trolley: June 2006

The Lava Trolley

Or is it the lavatory???

...Either case, this little nook on blogasphere is the natural dumping ground for the sort of crap that erupts
when you find a wee Chink in the Britworks...

But hey, I promise you this is steamingly hot shit...which is probably why it's all looking a bit brown!


21 June 2006

Stig Unmasked!


Ok, I lied...

I don't know who the Stig is, anymore than you do...He might be Julian Bailey, he might not be...Some say his eyelashes trap spiders for lunch, and that he pirouettes to the swan song in his sleep...All we know is...blah blah blah...

Yes, you get the drift.

I am merely lamenting a very enjoyable hour I have to give up Sunday evening, all in the name of football. The World Cup's only just started, and already I'm heartily sick of it. Patriotism isn't just about kicking a ball around, you know. Everytime I see one of those poxy flags flapping about, I get this incredible urge to ram it up its owner's hypocritical rear-end (and I'm not talking cars here).

Top Gear fans have, unfortunately, been outvoted...again.

In case you get the wrong impression, let me just clear something up here...I'm not a car enthusiast by any stretch of the imagination.

I don't drive around in anything that looks like this...


Or this...


Or this even...


(I'd love to see how this furry contraption survives the car wash...Perhaps drowned rats are a common sight at garages.)

In fact, I don't even drive...Or more to the point, I can't drive...Those off-road lessons from 10 years ago never did amount to anything. As far as I'm concerned, a car's job is just to get you from A to B, with minimum calorie loss.

Besides, even if I did own a car, you can be sure it would never look as tacky as the above specimens, and will instead look as elegant as the one below...

Ooh...but what am I saying? That is our car...(David's actually, but mine by default...You know the old adage - What's his is mine and so on.) Fancy that!

I watch Top Gear purely for entertainment reasons. As a piece of TV Journalism, it's very well put-together...Brillant camerawork, great content (with controversy and humour only the half of it), and the presenters compliment one another; Captain Slow and the shiny-toothed Hamster (bless him!) reining in Jezza's driving impulse to turn the whole programme into yet another Clarkson carry-on. (Though like most grumpy old men, he does usually make a lot of sense.)

But if the letters of complaint are anything to go by, not everyone gets what Top Gear's about. Nary a season goes by without someone bemoaning the lack of reasonably-priced cars...Well, there's the Chevrolet Lacetti, or the Suzuki Liana which has stood the test of time (not to mention circuits of celebrity abuse)...What more do they want?!

Looking out for reviews on an everday car in Top Gear is a little like scouring Vogue for high street rags. It's just not going to happen.

People want something to aspire to. If I want a low-budget outfit, I'd look in the Next catalogue (or switch to Fifth Gear for my automobile needs). Top Gear fulfils a different purpose.

How else can we experience the thrill of a Koenigsegg by proxy? Or test the limits of French traffic law whilst tearing across Europe in a Bugatti?

Nope, bring on all the pointless races with flying squirrels, champion rock climbers and TA snipers, together with car-football, amphibian motoring DIY, nuns in monster trucks, and what-have-you...

Who cares which MPV is best at fuel economy when we can watch Top Gear at its caravan-bashing best?

Sadly, it'll be another month before Top Gear gets back on track.



In the meantime, we can laugh at more Carbage.

PS - The music video that was mentioned here and here has now been compressed and uploaded. You can watch my TV debut by clicking this. I'd just like to add that this does not reflect my taste in music. However, I do support the band...If only for the reason that it's not Hip Hop-stroke-R&B. Anything is better than that!

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20 June 2006


0093 cyber2a

"Some recruiters are looking up applicants
on social networking sites like Facebook,
MySpace, Xanga and Friendster, where
college students often post risqué or
teasing photographs and provocative
comments about drinking, recreational
drug use and sexual exploits in what some
mistakenly believe is relative privacy."
I have no such illusions.

It is baffling, is it not…how some of us still hold on to the assumption that we can somehow divorce our online behaviour from who we really are?

There was a time when the web was thought to be a place that would allow us to be the person we wish we could be, to live out our fantasies…all under the cover of anonymity. But despite the nimiety of ‘9inchcock’s, ‘bustyblonde’s, and other such dubious online personas inundating the web, it has become increasingly apparent that this role-playing business only goes so far in providing a flimsy façade for one’s true character.

The truth will out…eventually.

People online reveal more of who they really are than they would ever dare to in the flesh. And as more and more of us cross over into cyber reality, the line separating both worlds blurs even further…evident in the rising number of net-related crimes.

And yet, not all of us are as amenable to the idea of cowering behind a false identity.

0198 maria-uv

The internet is a very public arena…There is nothing I post on here which I may later fear would come back to haunt me. On the contrary, I want all and sunder to know who I am and what I do.

As far as I’m concerned, that’s what the net is for…a lean, mean, PR machine.

I am unabashedly the person I say I am. (After almost 30 years of living closely with the subject, I trust I know a little more than you do?) I don’t even make any attempts to conceal my real name, age or location (with the exception of my full address to keep stalkers at bay).

All my life, I have never pretended to be anyone other than myself, and I’m cunting well not gonna start changing that now…not even for the sake of getting more work.

Clients and employers should appreciate such honesty. They have a right to know exactly what they’re investing in, and are surely not so naïve as to believe someone out there actually has an unblemished record…Sooner or later, they will discover just what sort of person they are working with, so why put it off?

If I am to be deprived of their company simply because they cannot reconcile themselves to the person I am, then that's no loss to me.

Relevant Articles:
For Some, Online Persona Undermines a Résumé
More Warnings Against Oversharing on MySpace


PS - This made me laugh at myself, and I don't even consider myself a gamer...well, not really...This joke's only slightly less embarrassing than the fact that I actually understand what it means...That's worrying, that.

PS again - Apart from the last one, the photos are by David, so don't nick 'em.

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06 June 2006

Nasi Goreng Cravings & More

batu ferringhi1

"Planting rice is no fun,
Bend from morn to the set of sun.
Cannot stand and cannot sit,

Cannot rest a little bit."

Just thought I'd share that little nursery song with everyone, though I'm not quite sure what it's meant to inspire. Perhaps it's to discourage kids from agricultural pursuits, in favour of sensible careers as Doctors, Lawyers and Accountants. This must be an Asian thing...I'm sure 'living off the fat of the land' was never on the agenda when my parents were bringing me up...

This isn't just another one of my random thoughts...It's been brought on by rice-withdrawal symptoms (or to be more precise, me being too lazy to pay Sainsbury's a visit).

Where's a padi field when you need one?

Never mind, forget it...That song's still reverberating through my head.

Excuse me while I go hug a tree...

wet market2

Oh well, not long to go again before we fly, fly away...


At least one good thing has come out of my 'rice deprivation'...Memories of fine Asian living has spurred me to finally upload those rice nice photos we took in Singapore and Malaysia (as promised months ago), so you can now see our holiday snapshots in all their tropical glory.

little india1

My Flickr account won't let me have more than three sets, so all images have had to be stored in David's. They run over two pages, but you can always select the slideshow option to save your fingers all that clicking. Whilst watching the slide, you can also click on each photo to see the caption/headings.

kek lok si temple9

View the long-awaited Holiday Album.

PS - I've recently been taken on by the agency Elegant Models.

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