The Lava Trolley

The Lava Trolley

Or is it the lavatory???

...Either case, this little nook on blogasphere is the natural dumping ground for the sort of crap that erupts
when you find a wee Chink in the Britworks...

But hey, I promise you this is steamingly hot shit...which is probably why it's all looking a bit brown!

 

30 April 2008

Sex and Bondage - The Reich Formula

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"Formula One motor racing chief Max Mosley is today
exposed as a secret sado-masochist sex pervert.

The son of infamous British wartime fascist leader
Oswald Mosley is filmed romping with five hookers at a
depraved Nazi-style orgy in a torture dungeon."
Sado-Masochism is hardly risqué these days. If you choose to over-analyze sexual roleplay, I'd say that having women dress up as schoolgirls is, by far, much more disturbing than an old man acting out his Swastika-themed wet dream...And yet, all we need do is walk into a high street shop like Ann Summers and we'll find that the former (along with Bondage) has become mainstream.

The whole point of a fantasy is that it is separate from reality and never the twain shall meet. I do believe that, sometimes, we can look too deep for something that isn't there. Surely, more cogent examples of anti-semitism exist?

Articles written by some Psychologists, studying sexual behaviour, even speculate that roleplaying of this sort (such as rape) may even be a way of facing one's fear or hatred of a certain situation, and a natural part of the healing process.

"We can say that a perversion leads you
away from the true depths of your emotional pain
—and from the psychological healing that could
happen if you were to work therapeutically with that pain
—by distracting you with something apparently pleasurable."

The media has only managed to whip us into a frenzy because of Mosley's parentage, and because he is who he is (F1 boss and all that - Big deal!). To be fair, his little game also saw him play the part of a Jewish prisoner...With 5 pros, it looks like Mosley got his money's worth anyway. He certainly bent over to please himself, though not quite backwards!!!

Bottom line is, what happens between consenting adults should stay between consenting adults. News of the World should have kept well out of it.

Related Articles:
F1 Boss Max Mosley has Sick Nazi Orgy with 5 Hookers
Pressure Mounts on Mosley to Quit
Defiant Mosley Vows to Fight on
The Safest Sex
Sexuality and Love

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17 March 2008

The one about irony...

L6CCBUSXEZA4CS5LCBSOIC3ER75MVNFO

"Mr Play-It-Safe was afraid to fly.
He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids goodbye.
He waited his whole damn life to take that flight And as
the plane crashed down, he thought,
'Well, isn't this nice?'
Isn't it ironic, don't you think?"

No, actually. I don't.

Just another song that I keep hearing at work. Whatshisfizz (I don't often pay attention to the names of presenters) on Radio Wave must really like it. Catchy song...but even he has the presence of mind to admit there's very little about this song that's ironic.

Alanis Morrisette has completely missed the point. Whenever this comes on, it's all I can do to keep myself from choking the proverbial neck of our bloody office radio with its own cord (That's about five times a day). Having it rain on your wedding isn't ironic...It's just shitty luck. Now, if she'd mentioned that the groom happened to be a Meteorologist, I'd let it go...Or, if Mr Play-It-Safe got off the plane only to get hit by a car when he crossed the road.

Speaking of which...

"A shopkeeper has said he is 'relieved' to not face a
murder charge after a man who tried to rob him was
stabbed to death with his own knife."

Now, that's fucking ironic. Tony Singh has done the world a favour with this little bit of poetic justice. We should give him the Tony Martin award for moulding an otherwise unproductive member of society into to a lovely heap of fodder fit for compost.

Related Material:
No Charges After Robber's Death

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03 February 2008

The Best Medicine

DG-2007-005

An audio file called The Dublin Psychiatrist has been doing the rounds on the mobile phone circuit. Sadly, I haven't been able to get hold of it (no blue tooth), but a quick search on the net soon led me to a few transcripts that purport to be variations of the same recording. I even managed to find an MP3 of a similar spoof.

I was able to see the humour in The Dublin Psychiatrist despite still being in the recovery stages of BPD, so I thought I'd share this with everyone.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hello, and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline.

If you have Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, please press 1 repeatedly.


If you suffer from Co-Dependency, please ask someone to press 2 for you.


If you have Multiple Personality Disorder, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6.


If you are Paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.


If you are Delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.


If you are Schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.


If you are a Manic-Depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press; no one will answer.

If you suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder, please head directly to the nearest A & E. Nothing we say will make a difference anyway.

If you have a Nervous Disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line.


If you suffer from Low Self-Esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy to take your call.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sometimes, you've just got to laugh because there's nothing else left for you to do.

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03 January 2008

Normal Service Resumes

PUSH!!!

A mate of mine, who knows how much I like snow, sent me this image so I could see the first flurries to descend upon the Fylde Coast. I missed the momentous event since I was at work at the time. Although the flakes were rather puny and didn't really settle (much to my disappointment), they did show up rather well against the black coat of said friend's pet dog - Spangle.

Unfortunately, he was having a poo at the time.

As I said to Spangle's kind owner...This picture is such an inspiration to anyone suffering from IBS, like myself.

We seem to have this conversation the same time every year...about sparse snowfall I mean, not crap.

Welcome to 2008 if you've only just recovered from the boozing and celebrating. I hope you had a magnificent 10-second build-up to the anti-climax that is New Year's Day...unless you were watching the fireworks, in which case it should have at least lasted for about 10 minutes. Wow!

No one could be happier than myself to reveal that I have recovered from the festive feasting with as little damage to my innards as possible. Just one attack on New Year's Eve, and I believe I bore up rather well...although our supply of bog roll depleted rather rapidly.

(Note: Copious use of alliteration in the previous paragraph was not intentional.)

That aside, all is truly brilliant with the world, so I can get back to ranting at it.

I don't know about you, but 2008 doesn't feel all that much different from 2007. If my life has changed in any way, I have yet to experience it. However, on the feline front, my kitten does seem to go to the toilet a great deal lately, and she has picked up wallpaper-ripping as a hobby.

I can only conclude that she must have a new motto - Defecate and Destroy - which she is doing a damned fine job of living up to! Oh well, what can I say?

Shit happens.

motivator650730

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15 December 2007

Gobsmacked!

_41382626_norton203

"Five young boys who were convicted of causing
a pensioner’s death by pelting him with stones
had their convictions for manslaughter overturned yesterday.

Ernest Norton, 67, suffered a heart attack after
he was attacked while playing cricket with his son James, 17,
at Erith Leisure Park, southeast London, last February."


I was shocked when I first read that those boys had got 2 years, but now I'm downright disappointed...

The poor kids! They must have thought they would also get a holiday to Barbados. I was expecting, at the very least, handouts of Nintendo Wii to help rehabilitate them.

What a disgrace!





I vote for stringing up the lot of halfwits involved in letting these boys walk free - parents, do-gooders, lawyers, judges etc.



Related Articles:
Judge Releases Stoning Death Boys
Manslaughter Verdicts Quashed for Boys who Stoned Pensioner
Father Died 'Trapped In' by Gang

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14 December 2007

We may not get a white Christmas...

IMG_3298

...But at least we've got black Magic!

Isn't she just BEAUTIFUL?


We rescued the-kitten-previously-known-as-Baby-Jasmine (a grave error in the naming process as far as we're concerned) from Easterleigh Animal Sanctuary this Monday. We have re-named her Magic, because that's exactly what she is - Magic.

Dunno why, but that name just leapt out at me as soon as I saw her...Maybe it's because she looks so much like a witch's familiar...all sleek, black and shiny!

Magic, her siblings and mother used to live in a pretty abusive household...Thankfully, our kitty was too young at the time to remember things being thrown at her by nasty kids. She is currently 16 weeks old, and though she's only been with us 5 days, I swear I can actually see her grow!

I was actually about to donate some money to Help for Heroes when David asked me what I wanted for Crimbo this year. Since I was struggling to come up with an answer, I thought he could contribute to that charity in my name...But then I remembered that we'd been thinking of getting a cat for ages, so why not rescue one this X'mas and contribute some money to a good cause?

At this very moment, Magic is giving herself a wash on my desk...Already, she's making herself right at home, and has proven to be extremely active and playful. She's very clever, and can move fast...very fast.


Sometimes, it looks like we've got a tiny streak of black lightning zooming round our house...Abracadabra! Now you see her, now you don't! (Oh, this could go on forever!) It won't be long before she starts leaving us little prezzies on our doorstep!

Magic looks most adorable when she gives her wee bottom a little wriggle before pouncing on our feet in bed. She is also extremely affectionate and will greet us when we come home. She even rubs her face against ours and gives us fishy-smelling kisses.

Oooh, look...she's pawing my fingers as they move over the keyboard!

Earlier this evening, I was arrested by the sight of Magic sitting before my monitor, completely enthralled...It didn't take me long to work out she was fascinated by the cursor mouse thingy. Her paws were all over the place, chasing after it! And when I moved the cursor 'off-screen', she actually went round the back of the monitor to investigate!

Aaw, bless her furry little feet!

Magic is not due to be spayed, vaccinated and microchipped for a couple of months, so we're keeping her indoors for the time-being. I have bought her loads of prezzies to make up for this short period of incarceration...

...Toys...

16168f

...and various other bits and bobs.

Magemon20Double

Of course, most things in this house are toys to Magic (a boxful of shredded paper alone can provide hours of endless fun), but I just wanted to spoil her.

Photos our new feline baby (currently snoozing on top of my scanner) have been uploaded, and you can view them here.

We'll probably be videoing Magic this weekend, so watch this space!

UPDATED: 21 December 2007 @ 10:39

Here, as promised, is a video of our little darling kitty's oversteering antics uploaded onto YouTube for the cat-lover's viewing pleasure...Must apologize for the look of our front room as we're still in the midst of re-decorating, and the new sofa won't arrive till next year.

As you can see, Magic's a real minx of a cat, and won't stay still for even a minute.

We still love her though!

Helpful Catty Pud Links:
Pet Protect
Wild4Pets
Online Pet Products
ModernCat
Pets at Home
Mungo and Maud
Pugs and Kisses
Kitty Collars
Pets4Homes

PS - Her farts seriously stink up the room!

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02 December 2007

Totally Pointless Post

Pizza_2

A few colleages and I had a conversation about pizzas a couple of weeks ago.

No one could see any point in ordering via websites (Domino's in this instance) when you could just as easily use the phone...I know I'm pretty weird as far as human beings go, but surely I'm not the only one who can see the merits of placing my pizza order online?

It has to be said, I received quite a few odd looks explaining myself. Matters were not improved by yet another repeat of Leona Lewis' single playing in the background (lovely voice, but hearing that song over and over again is doing my head in...sadly, the office radio can only tune into one station - shitty Radio Wave - and I happen to sit right next to to that stupid device...If it goes missing one day, you will all know why).

Perhaps my views will come across better over the net, seeing as it's the very vehicle I am recommending as a super food-ordering mechanism. (Plus, I never play commercial radio at home.)

These then, are my 10 reasons we should all order online and henceforth have no excuse to venture out of the house...EVER!

1) You don't need to speak to anyone.

2) You don't need to speak to anyone.

3) You don't need to speak to anyone.

4) You don't need to speak to anyone.

5) You don't need to speak to anyone...Ok, I'll concede further elaboration is required. When I refer to 'anyone', I actually mean - a) people with strange accents you can't understand, b) surly teenagers who would rather be nicking your money than earning it, and c) morons who can barely barely spell 'pepperoni', let alone identify it.

6) You save time by not having to repeat yourself, or risk getting your pizza delivered to the wrong address.

7) If you have your rig on most of the time, it doesn't cost you extra £££.

8) If, like me, you never have enough cash lying around, you can pay by card without having to read out your details.

9) Since you can save your favourites, one-click gets you all you want...so again, you save time.

10) Oh, and I nearly forgot...You don't need to speak to anyone.

So there you go, a little slice of pizza wisdom to get you through your next order...and whilst you're at it, I like mine with double pineapple, chorizo and olives. Thanks.

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30 November 2007

Bloody Facebook Whores

facebook_sabotage_mid

I abandoned MySpace in favour of Facebook because I refused to put up with anymore spam, hacks and relentless profile-pimping. Thus far, the odd half-baked app has been the only reason my rig's acquired a few fist-shaped dents. Still, no social networking district is completely free of that seedy red light.

About 90% of the members I am connected to on FB are individuals I also know in the physical world...They may no longer live in the same region I do but they are, nonetheless, people I consider friends...That last word in my previous sentence carrying the operative function when referring to the feature in question - the Friends List.

I no longer have to dread the thought of deleting 50 or so friend requests upon logging in...But every now and then, someone who hasn't exchanged so much as a single blurry pixel with me (RGB or otherwise) will convince him or herself that I'm the sort who will cheerfully embrace the notion of calling perfect strangers my friends in the quest to win popularity contests.

I can't help but wonder if I might have overlooked some key detail in my profile that gives people that impression.

And yet, I distinctly remember stating quite clearly in the politest of terms that random people who cannot even be bothered sending me a message can jolly well eff off.

Please don't misunderstand me...I am all for widening my social circle, but I believe in being discriminate. If anyone wants me to get all chummy with them, I think he or she should at least give me a good reason...A short introduction of who they are and how they found me would be a start...

And for the last time...Poking DOESN'T count!

PS - This has got nothing to do with the above, but it seems a good time as any to mention this...I started playing WoW last month, and have only managed to level up to 20 which, I'm sure you'll agree, is piss poor.

WOW001

If any Alliance noob also on the Eonar (EU) server wants to group, I'll be most happy to oblige...My stats are below.

Ruiyyanko [Eonar]

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21 October 2007

Just a quickie...

PRH front view

Ooh, an orgasm for every lie that rolls off my tongue...Let's just say I'd never need man nor dildo ever again. It would, however, create a bit of a paradox if I ever wanted to fake a climax.

Anyone who knows what I'm like would know that the heading to this post is utter bollocks. My logging into this site is pretty much a guarantee that nothing short and sweet will come of it. No thanks to me and those of my ilk, you can always find an endless supply of industrial-strength rants brewing away in some corner of the cyber continent that is known as Blogosphere...extra froth not entirely optional.

"Brighton cannot currently cope with volume of trauma cases
and regularly diverts patients to other hospitals.
It cannot cope with the 3,000 or so births due to take place there.
It makes no sense to add another 2,500 births from the PRH."

Although I currently live at the other end of the country, my daughter was born at the Princess Royal, so news of plans to downgrade the hospital (yet again) came as a bit of a shock. From what I can recall of my short stay at the PRH 7 years ago, it was clean and well-run. Unless matters have regressed to a state similar to what's happening down in Kent, I can envisage no earthly reason for dragging another hospital (particularly one that's perfectly serviceable) through the muck that has become our NHS.

It is with vivid clarity that I remember how each minute road bump magnified every contraction I had on the way to the hospital...and the drive from Burgess Hill to Haywards Heath is not a long one (even via twisty country lanes). Those familiar with Mid-Sussex will be able to tell you that it covers a wide area, so I can fully commiserate with all expectant mothers of that region who may now be looking foward to an even longer journey with considerably more dread than is otherwise necessary.

A friend has very kindly sent me a link to an online petition and I have found another one through my Googling efforts. In true kiasu tradition, I signed them both (links below), and also sent a letter out for good measure (courtesy of said friend who set up a website for this very purpose). The idea is to bombard the PCT with so much mail they can't fail to ignore the message we're trying to get across. We're talking about people's lives here, and that's not something anyone can play with.

Of course, this ties in very nicely with everything else that's gone wrong in the world, which merely brings to mind yet another point...Al Gore is a fucking twat.
"Global warming theory has been in political and
scientific trouble for some time, but who knew
it had sunk so low it needed a boost from
the Nobel Peace Prize committee?"
Ok, this has got nothing to do with the Princess Royal Hospital or the NHS, but Al Gore is still a first-rate dick (not unlike the pen-pushers who pretend to run our nation).

The powers-that-be have been known to lie from time to time. We know it; they know it...But to con millions with The Inconvenient Truth just takes the piss...Inconvenient, my arse! Changes in the climate (political or otherwise) couldn't have happened to Al Gore at a more opportune time!

gore3

"Onto this heap of forgotten causes and marginalia the Nobel
has just tossed Al Gore and the Intergovernmental Panel
on Climate Change, the UN's official climate science group.
What a blow the award must be to the IPCC, self-proclaimed
home of scientific rigour, to now be lumped in with
Reverend Al and his Travelling Snake Oil Road Show
and Climate Terror Machine."
Anyone who knows that the heading to this post is bullshit will also know that I'm In no danger of turning vegan, so I'll forgive those who assume I care very little about the environment. But whatever tiny bit of consideration I have reserved for nature is at least genuine, which is more than I can say about most so-called eco-warriors.

I do believe that man has a lot to answer for when it comes to damage that's been done to our planet, and that we've been largely responsible for pollution. But not for a second am I convinced that any of this is apocalyptic.

Changes to our planet are meant to happen. That is normal, and part of the natural selection process. Over a period of time, creatures become extinct, new species get discovered, climate blows hot and cold, continents move...This is called evolution (in the literal sense). Such knowledge is not new, so why should we let it send us into a panic just because that same information has now been packaged differently? Besides, since it was nature that created humankind in all its glory, who's to say what's man-made isn't natural by default?

I think I would be less affronted by this whole issue if so many people weren't sucked into this great money-making scheme. Does no one think for him or herself anymore?


I'm supposed to be the one with the mental problems; but so far, it seems like I'm one of the rare few who hasn't turned into a paranoid freak with prophetic delusions, handing out end-of-the-world flyers printed on recycled cardboard using the juice of dead plants (preferably organic and fairtrade...like you really needed to ask). As far as I know, the world has been 'ending' since day one. But up till now, no one has been able to provide us with any proof that can be described as conclusive.

WHY??? WHY???

Why is everyone so gullible?

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

And why am I wasting a perfectly good rant on something that has already been blogged before, especially at two in the morning when I've come down with the dreaded lurgi and feeling most irate?

Go! ...Go fritter your hard-earned money away on useless 'green' car insurance (whatever that is), and that bloody stupid hypocritical hybrid of a Toyota Prius. I don't really give a shit anyway. I'm going to devote the rest of this post to more self-centred concerns, such as the appearance of our beloved fuel-guzzling (and unashamedly so) Mustang on the cover of a car magazine.

And so, on a less crotchety note...

car-mag

More photos of Horsey (taken by David) can be found within the pages of Round Up (apparently an award-winning mag), accompanied by a 4-page feature (also written by David). I was given the supreme honour of editing the article, so readers have got the final copy sans David's usual spelling mistakes and typos. Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

This reminds me...I've got a brilliant idea for another major Mustang event. Maybe MOCGB could organise a rally for charity. Let's all rev our engines just that little bit harder to raise funds for a worthy cause - the prevention of ...TA DA... global warming!

No, Horsey...We're not sarky at all, are we?



You will now notice this badge in the panel on the right...Because I am now churning out artwork by the dozen (or more), I have found that revising my personal website to reflect anything new can be quite time-consuming, and the last thing I want to do at the end of a working day. As I plan to have a complete re-vamp some time in the future, little pissy updates of this sort are pretty pointless.

Ergo, all recent designs have been uploaded to deviantART as a temporary quick fix, and you can view them by clicking the above-mentioned button. Most of the graphics are lo-res versions...However, folders designed for local authorities may just be snapshots of the hard copy. This is due to several reasons: A) The original files are massive, and I am too bloody lazy to re-size them down to something more manageable...particularly when separate elements were created in different programs. B) Whilst the folders may have been designed by yours truly, not all the ads in them were done by me and I just don't want to confuse matters.

Right...I'm off to bed, so you can all piss off for now. I might be in a more agreeable mood the next time I'm online, but don't hold your breath.

Related Articles:
Gore and UN Panel Win Nobel Prize

A Coup for Junk Science

Save the Princess Royal Hospital:
Support the PRH
Official Online Petition
Sack the PCT


UPDATED: 25 October 2007 @ 21:20



I forgot to mention that I have also uploaded recent pics of Zhouyi at my site. Most were taken during her last school holiday. Clicking on some images at my photo gallery may direct you to external albums where more pics are hosted...There were just too many photos for me to faff about with, so I took the easy way out.

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09 September 2007

Oranges and Lemons

_42550917_mitchellwebb

...Say the bells of St Clement's.


Although Mac-users are more likely to prefer Apples instead.


"The only way to have fun with a Mac is to
poke its insufferable owner in the eye."
Don't get me wrong...I'm no Mac-fanatic by any stretch of the imagination. Quite the contrary, if you must know...However, I have had experience operating both Macs and PCs. In fact, my first computer was a Mac, that being the era when almost everyone I knew had one.

I gave it a fair chance, but was so singularly UN-impressed by it that I was pretty much put off by the whole business of computing, and moved on to more riveting pursuits (such as Zero-Point and Five Stones, neither of which held my interest for very long either)...I couldn't even tell you which model that first Mac was, since my memory appears to have been sufficiently repulsed into blocking off the entire affair.


Then along came Mr Gates, and my silicon romance was rekindled (courtesy of a going-to-college present from daddy).


No doubt my humble opinion will set off quite a few cyber terrorists, but if Jeremy Clarkson can receive a pie in the face with equanimity, I'm pretty sure I'll survive whatever they have in store. Perhaps the knowledge that I'm not terribly interested in a Mac-bashing rant might pacify them...Descending into a 'Mac vs PC' slanging match is just too much of a cliché.

Can't understand where all this aggro comes from...Charlie's contribution to CIF is amusing enough, but judging from a number of the comments left, it's all being taken far too seriously...Some people just don't get irony.

What next? QuarkXpress against InDesign? Oops...too late...Missed that one while I was busy typing away.

The pedantic amongst us would point out that Macs are technically PCs, since the acronym merely stands for 'Personal Computer'. I won't argue with that description in terms of hardware, particularly these days. Some might even suggest that Apple sold out to Intel, but I'm more inclined to view it as healthy evolution within the industry. Besides, it was really Apple that set the standard to begin with...PCs just ran with it a little further.

At some point of time in history, it was perhaps true that Macs were better than PCs when it came to performing certain tasks, such as the handling of graphics. I've found that to be a bit of a myth these days, since PCs have essentially caught up with the times (and quite quickly too!). How else could Macs have gained a true rival otherwise?

Mitchell and Webb wouldn't find themselves on Apple's payroll if PCs weren't perceived to be a real threat which, in the wake of advertising lawsuits that saw the G5 emerging with a few smudges on its CV, is very serious indeed. This isn't even recent news...Aside from PCs having now invaded most homes, quite a few digital art production companies I've worked for now use them instead of the once industry-standard Macs. This shift might possibly see more adaptations in related mediums, such as printing etc.

As a freelancer, most of my best work was hammered out on a PC, and I encountered no problems whatsoever...not so much as a minor hiccup. I honestly cannot remember the last time that machine blue-screened (and we're talking about a decrepit 5-year-old piece of junk that won't even qualify at entry-level today).

I cannot say the same for the 1.2 GHz G4 I use where I am now employed...But I shan't bore you with tales of the number of times I've had to re-boot the bloody thing.

Benchmarks have shown that Macs and PCs have basically reached an impasse when it comes to computing superiority...But this isn't going to mean anything to average users. Trying to comprehend anything technical makes me cross-eyed, so I can understand where they're coming from. A first-time buyer isn't going to be interested in an analytical breakdown of RAM calculations, bottlenecks and whatnot...He's never even heard of Sandra, and will probably think she's some online manifestation of hentai.

It's the end-result that counts, and PCs have NEVER failed me in whatever I set out to do. All these apocalyptic crashes I keep hearing of have never happened to me (or to David, also a digital artist and avid gamer). Neither has my work suffered adversely...Power and speed vary, depending very much on make and model. Pit the best of Macs and PCs head-to-head and you'll find little difference in the technology.

At the end of the day, a computer's reliability is down to how it is treated by its owner, regardless of specs. The empty-glass theory is an apt analogy in this scenario. Fill your computer with crap and it will start behaving like shit.

I'll raise one point in favour of Macs, however...They aren't virus-prone. Full-stop.

Let's face it, when most people compare the two machines, it's really their operating systems that set them apart from one another. Windows uses more shared resources, which makes it more vulnerable to attacks. By its very nature, Mac OS is far more robust, and I've always thought it a shame that it's not become more mainstream (although the interface isn't the most straightforward, which may confuse novices). But perhaps that's why it's never been a target.

Still, as one helpful CIF reader has observed, it really will be a shock to the system when the first Mac virus is created. Then again, if their PC counterparts learnt to cope, I'm sure the geeks at Macdom would be resourceful enough to find a way round it. More tech support would be a start...

My main gripe with Macs is their complete lack of individuality...Macs certainly look pretty enough, and the trademark functional design is something Microsoft has picked up on as well. If you've had the dubious privilege of putting Vista through its paces, you'll notice its similarity to the sleek and elegant Panther. But that's it...You see one Mac, and you've seen them all...If you could slap a uniform on a machine, it would look like something just come out the end of Apple's conveyor belt.

The whole Mac set-up lacks the one factor that completes the PC enthusiast's wank fest - customability. You can't stick your hand in a Mac and wriggle its innards about because it means Apple has to relinquish control to the user...In other words, it's not terribly mod-friendly. You will not be able to take its components apart to build this or this...Not easily anyway.

"Macs are glorified Fisher-Price activity centres for adults;
computers for scaredy cats too nervous to learn how proper computers work;
computers for people who earnestly believe in feng shui.


PCs are the ramshackle computers of the people.
You can build your own from scratch, then customise it into oblivion.
Sometimes you have to slap it to make it work properly,
just like the Tardis."
I can't justify my love for PCs anymore than I can explain why Nutella is my idea of sex on a spoon...It just is. My first encounter with the G5 was when I was (briefly) a student at UEL, and it set my pulse racing...in a good way. Despite that, I couldn't wait to get home to a heap of shit that could barely run Windows ME. There's something about a PC that gives it character...

...And that's the reason Dr Who would have a PC instead of a Mac.

Related Material:
Complaint Against Apple's G5 Advertising Upheld
Power Mac G5 - The World's Fastest?

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